I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
