Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
