wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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