so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
