the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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