No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
