Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
