im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
