he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
