so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
