In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
