remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My liver just had a heart attack.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
