So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
