This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
