You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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