help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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