Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
