Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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