one might say we're banned from that church
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
