he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
