Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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