My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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