Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
