The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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