yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
