Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
