then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
