Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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