This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
