My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
