SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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