Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
