I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
