just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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