Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
