I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
