hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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