Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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