i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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