We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize