Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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