Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
