did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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