i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
