Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
