This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
