you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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