FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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