glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize