tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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