before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
