Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
