you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
