Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
