he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
