Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
