I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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