i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
