no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
