Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
