somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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