where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
