dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
