My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
