I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
