Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i don't like sucking hair
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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