I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize