She said her name was "party"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize