Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
