My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
