i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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