I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was confusing and full of hummus
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
