I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
