that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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