you guys were way drunker than both of me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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