You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think I won the penis lottery.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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